Liz Weston: What to do if your parents need financial help

Most parents in the U.S. provide some sort of financial support to their adult children, multiple surveys have found. But often, financial aid goes the other way.

A 2015 survey by TD Ameritrade found 13% of American adults provided financial support to a parent. Millennials were far more likely than older generations to report they were helping their folks. Of people born between 1981 and 1996, 19% helped support their parents, compared with 13% of Gen Xers (1965 to 1980) and 8% of baby boomers (1946 to 1964).

Sometimes the money is provided happily, or at least without resentment, by those following cultural norms or personal conviction that they owe it to their parents. Other times, financial aid to parents is a source of tension — between parent and adult child, among siblings and between partners.

Certified financial planner Austin A. Frye had no idea when he married his wife four decades ago that they would one day support her parents. The older couple, now in their 80s, cover their day-to-day expenses with a union pension and Social Security. Frye and his wife cover unexpected expenses and travel for her parents, Frye says, and also pay $15,000 a year for a long-term care policy.

Frye says that though he's happy to be in a position to help his in-laws, he still wishes they had saved money for their retirement .

"They just spent what they made," Frye says. "They didn't really plan."

Certified financial planner Kashif A. Ahmed, on the other hand, comes from a Pakistani culture where younger people get into arguments about who will have the honor of caring for an older relative. Ahmed said he needed a spreadsheet to coordinate the dozens of relatives who volunteered to help his great-grandparents in their final illnesses.

Ahmed invited his mother to move in with him after his father died in 2001. His wife, Simona, an economist who grew up with similar values in Romania, supported the move, and Ahmed's mother is helping to raise their four daughters, ages 6 to 16.

Ahmed says financial advisers from other cultures often have trouble grasping the deep sense of obligation. He's heard peers criticize clients who aren't saving enough for retirement or are neglecting other goals while supporting parents, saying the clients don't "get it."

"I'll say, 'No, no, no. You don't get it,' " Ahmed says.

Balancing competing goals is what financial planning is all about. If you're supporting a parent or think you may in the future, the following steps could help make the balancing act a bit easier.

TALK TO YOUR PARTNER. If you're married or in a committed relationship, it helps to get on the same page about how much you're willing and able to give. Brainstorm different scenarios, such as emergency expenses (how much can you give, and what constitutes an emergency?) or long-term care (can you provide care in your home or help pay for in-home or nursing care?). If you're not clear what you can afford, a consultation with a financial planner could help. If you don't have a partner, talking to a trusted friend or a financial planner can help you clarify what you can offer and when.

TALK WITH YOUR PARENTS. Just over half of the people supporting parents in the TD Ameritrade survey had ever talked with them about it. Financial planners say that understanding the parents' financial situation can help you prepare, and might also provide an opportunity for you to reduce their need for your help. You could help them budget, give them a session with a financial planner or check Benefits.gov for assistance programs. You also can let them know how much help you can afford to provide.

ROPE IN YOUR SIBLINGS, IF YOU HAVE THEM. Even if they can't contribute financially, they may be able to help in other ways: running errands, taking parents to the doctor, handling bill paying and other paperwork, or providing respite care.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. You may have to delay retirement, buying a house or having kids to support your parents. Many people do, according to the survey. But you should have a plan to eventually reach your own goals. Unlike your parents, you may have only yourself to rely on when you're older.

This column was provided to The Associated Press by the personal finance website NerdWallet. Liz Weston is a columnist at NerdWallet, a certified financial planner and author of "Your Credit Score." Email: lweston@nerdwallet.com. Twitter: @lizweston.

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JERUSALEM (AP) — Yemen's Houthi rebels on Saturday claimed shooting down another of the U.S. military's MQ-9 Reaper drones, airing footage of parts that corresponded to known pieces of the unmanned aircraft.

The Houthis said they shot down the Reaper with a surface-to-air missile, part of a renewed series of assaults this week by the rebels after a relative lull in their pressure campaign over the Israel-Hamas war in the Gaza Strip.

U.S. Air Force Lt. Col. Bryon J. McGarry, a Defense Department spokesperson, acknowledged to The Associated Press on Saturday that “a U.S. Air Force MQ-9 drone crashed in Yemen.” He said an investigation was underway, without elaborating.

The Houthis described the downing as happening Thursday over their stronghold in the country's Saada province.

Footage released by the Houthis included what they described as the missile launch targeting the drone, with a man off-camera reciting the Houthi's slogan after it was hit: “God is the greatest; death to America; death to Israel; curse the Jews; victory to Islam.”

The footage included several close-ups on parts of the drone that included the logo of General Atomics, which manufactures the drone, and serial numbers corresponding with known parts made by the company.

Since the Houthis seized the country’s north and its capital of Sanaa in 2014, the U.S. military has lost at least five drones to the rebels counting Thursday's shootdown — in 2017, 2019, 2023 and this year.

Reapers, which cost around $30 million apiece, can fly at altitudes up to 50,000 feet and have an endurance of up to 24 hours before needing to land.

The drone shootdown comes as the Houthis launch attacks on shipping in the Red Sea and Gulf of Aden, demanding Israel ends the war in Gaza, which has killed more than 34,000 Palestinians there. The war began after Hamas-led militants attacked Israel on Oct. 7, killing 1,200 people and taking some 250 others hostage.

The Houthis have launched more than 50 attacks on shipping, seized one vessel and sank another since November, according to the U.S. Maritime Administration.

Houthi attacks have dropped in recent weeks as the rebels have been targeted by a U.S.-led airstrike campaign in Yemen. Shipping through the Red Sea and Gulf of Aden has declined because of the threat. American officials have speculated that the rebels may be running out of weapons as a result of the U.S.-led campaign against them and after firing drones and missiles steadily in the last months. However, the rebels have renewed their attacks in the last week.

A Houthi supporter raises a mock rocket during a rally against the U.S. and Israel and to support Palestinians in the Gaza Strip, in Sanaa, Yemen, Friday, April. 26, 2024. (AP Photo/Osamah Abdulrahman)