Film Review: 'House With a Clock' is a real time suck

The 10-year-old hero at the center of the film "The House With a Clock in Its Wall" likes to look up words in the dictionary, like "foreboding" and "indomitable." He might want to be familiar with the term "execrable" — that's a good one for this movie.

Adapted from the 1973 John Bellairs young adult supernatural thriller, the film somehow manages its own witchcraft in finding the perfect un-sweet spot — it's too scary for little kids, not scary enough for older ones, not funny or clever enough for their parents, and too redundant for everyone. Poof! Watch the audience disappear.

Horror specialist director Eli Roth has stumbled badly as he enters the dangerous realm of whimsical, which is added here at such high doses as to be lethal. The film is ostensibly a Harry Potter-lite coming of age yarn, but the real spooky thing is why Cate Blanchett and Jack Black decided to tag along.

This image released by Universal Pictures shows Jack Black in a scene from "The House With A Clock in Its Walls." (Quantrell D. ColbertUniversal Pictures via AP)

The story — by Eric Kripke, creator of TV's "Supernatural" — centers on a recently orphaned 10-year-old boy named Lewis in 1955. He moves to a Michigan town to live with his mysterious, chocolate-loving uncle, played by Black, who turns out to be a warlock. The next-door neighbor, Florence Zimmermann, is an elegant, purple-loving witch played by Blanchett.

"You'll see. Things are quite different here," Black's character says to the astonished boy. But he's lying — things are very familiar here: foggy graveyards, creepy dolls, dusty books, animal skeletons in small carved boxes, ornately carved book jackets, secret rooms behind bookcases, thumping in the walls and even comedic non-human sidekicks (this time an armchair and a topiary griffin).

There's been an obvious attempt to ape the chilly menace of Edward Gorey, who supplied images for Bellairs' book, but this movie really just leans on props and suggestive music, never finding a consistent tone or vision. Sometimes it feels like a Wes Anderson film, at others it goes more like Wes Craven.

This image released by Universal Pictures shows Cate Blanchett, left, and Jack Black in a scene from "The House With A Clock in Its Walls." (Quantrell D. ColbertUniversal Pictures via AP)

Young Lewis, uptight, precocious — and outfitted in the laziest way to show that, with a pair of WWI-era aviator goggles and a bow tie — must learn to be a warlock himself, fit in at school, solve the mystery of the hidden clock and save the universe. Child actor Owen Vaccaro does admirably here. It's the adults who have let him down.

Foremost among them is Black and Blanchett, who are in different movies — he's in a comic farce complete with butt jokes and vomiting pumpkins, and she's doing some very serious English drawing-room drama. "It's the nuts that make things interesting," she says at one point. "I've found that all one really needs in this world is one good friend," she tells Lewis primly.

Toward the end, Blanchett arms herself with a weapon resembling an umbrella, becoming a sort of Oscar-winning Mary Poppins as she mows down enemies with what seem to be bolts of lightning. What happens to Black? Would you believe a truly disturbing sequence with his bearded adult face on top of a baby body? (There's an image we'll all take to the grave.)

This image released by Universal Pictures shows Jack Black, from left, Owen Vaccaro and Cate Blanchett in a scene from "The House With A Clock in Its Walls." (Quantrell D. ColbertUniversal Pictures via AP)

This whole mess drags itself to a messy conclusion — wait, is that Kyle MacLachlan making an appearance late on? Kyle? Did you lose a bet, too? — and then it all ends on an impossibly sticky, sweet big wet kiss of a finale that undermines the entire project.

Fittingly, the closing credits evoke the goofy humor of a completely different animator — Charles Addams. (Look for jokey credits for the sofa and the griffin if you're one of the rare people sticking around.) Nothing makes a lot of sense in "The House With a Clock in Its Wall," except perhaps when Black's character warns: "This is no place for a kid."

"The House With a Clock in Its Wall," a Universal Pictures release, is rated PG by the Motion Picture Association of America for "thematic elements including sorcery, some action, scary images, rude humor and language." Running time: 99 minutes. Zero stars out of four.

MPAA definition of PG: Parental guidance suggested. Some material may not be suitable for children.

Online: https://www.housewithaclock.com

Mark Kennedy is at http://twitter.com/KennedyTwits

KYIV, Ukraine (AP) — A Ukrainian court on Friday ordered the detention of the country’s farm minister in the latest high-profile corruption investigation, while Kyiv security officials assessed how they can recover lost battlefield momentum in the war against Russia.

Ukraine’s High Anti-Corruption Court ruled that Agriculture Minister Oleksandr Solskyi should be held in custody for 60 days, but he was released after paying bail of 75 million hryvnias ($1.77 million), a statement said.

Ukraine’s National Anti-Corruption Bureau suspects Solskyi headed an organized crime group that between 2017 and 2021 unlawfully obtained land worth 291 million hryvnias ($6.85 million) and attempted to obtain other land worth 190 million hryvnias ($4.47 million).

Ukraine is trying to root out corruption that has long dogged the country. A dragnet over the past two years has seen Ukraine’s defense minister, top prosecutor, intelligence chief and other senior officials lose their jobs.

That has caused embarrassment and unease as Ukraine receives tens of billions of dollars in foreign aid to help fight Russia’s army, and the European Union and NATO have demanded widespread anti-graft measures before Kyiv can realize its ambition of joining the blocs.

In Ukraine's capital, doctors and ambulance crews evacuated patients from a children’s hospital on Friday after a video circulated online saying Russia planned to attack it.

Parents hefting bags of clothes, toys and food carried toddlers and led young children from the Kyiv City Children’s Hospital No. 1 on the outskirts of the city. Medics helped them into a fleet of waiting ambulances to be transported to other facilities.

In the video, a security official from Russian ally Belarus alleged that military personnel were based in the hospital. Kyiv city authorities said that the claim was “a lie and provocation.”

Kyiv Mayor Vitali Klitschko said that civic authorities were awaiting an assessment from security services before deciding when it was safe to reopen the hospital.

“We cannot risk the lives of our children,” he said.

Meanwhile, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy was due to hold online talks Friday with the Ukraine Defense Contact Group, which has been the key international organization coordinating the delivery of weapons and other aid to Ukraine.

Zelenskyy said late Thursday that the meeting would discuss how to turn around Ukraine’s fortunes on the battlefield. The Kremlin’s forces have gained an edge over Kyiv’s army in recent months as Ukraine grappled with a shortage of ammunition and troops.

Russia, despite sustaining high losses, has been taking control of small settlements as part of its effort to drive deeper into eastern Ukraine after capturing the city of Avdiivka in February, the U.K. defense ministry said Friday.

It’s been slow going for the Kremlin’s troops in eastern Ukraine and is likely to stay that way, according to the Institute for the Study of War. However, the key hilltop town of Chasiv Yar is vulnerable to the Russian onslaught, which is using glide bombs — powerful Soviet-era weapons that were originally unguided but have been retrofitted with a navigational targeting system — that obliterate targets.

“Russian forces do pose a credible threat of seizing Chasiv Yar, although they may not be able to do so rapidly,” the Washington-based think tank said late Thursday.

It added that Russian commanders are likely seeking to advance as much as possible before the arrival in the coming weeks and months of new U.S. military aid, which was held up for six months by political differences in Congress.

While that U.S. help wasn’t forthcoming, Ukraine’s European partners didn’t pick up the slack, according to German’s Kiel Institute for the World Economy, which tracks Ukraine support.

“The European aid in recent months is nowhere near enough to fill the gap left by the lack of U.S. assistance, particularly in the area of ammunition and artillery shells,” it said in a report Thursday.

Ukraine is making a broad effort to take back the initiative in the war after more than two years of fighting. It plans to manufacture more of its own weapons in the future, and is clamping down on young people avoiding conscription, though it will take time to process and train any new recruits.

Jill Lawless contributed to this report.

Follow AP’s coverage of the war in Ukraine at https://apnews.com/hub/russia-ukraine

Ukrainian young acting student Gleb Batonskiy plays piano in a public park in Kyiv, Ukraine, Thursday, April 25, 2024. (AP Photo/Francisco Seco)