Nothing tells a former partner exactly how you feel like naming having a venomous snake named after them.
For anyone harbouring a grudge against an ex, there are a wealth of ways to express your feelings this Valentine’s Day.
While doing physical harm to a former significant other is generally frowned upon, there’s nothing to stop you giving their name to a hapless insect, for example, and tossing it to a hungry animal before letting nature take its course.
Here are some of the other vengeful things you can do in your ex’s name on February 14.
Tell your ex exactly what you think of them by having a cockroach named after them, thanks to the romantics at El Paso Zoo in Texas.
You can then watch live on Facebook as keepers feed your ex’s creepy crawly namesake to a meerkat. Simples.
If there’s something fishy about your ex, this might be the one for you.
For around £15 you can pay to give a salmon your ex’s name and then watch as it’s tossed to a hungry bear by staff at Oregon’s Wildlife Images Rehabilitation & Education Centre.
At the Richmond Wildlife Centre, it’s worms and beetles being given the treatment.
“For that truly terrible ex, make a $5 donation and name a hornworm after your ex and watch that horned devil be devoured,” the centre wrote in a Facebook post.
“Your worthless ex can finally do something nice – their namesake helping us to feed the animals in our care.”
If you’ve got no real desire to see your ex devoured by some sharp-toothed predator but still want them to know exactly what you think of them, you could take the approach of getting a snake named after them.
That offer comes courtesy of Wild Life Sydney Zoo, and to add a bit spice the reptile in question is a deadly venomous brown snake.
If a cupcake seems to lack some of the spite of a cockroach or a snake, make sure you pay attention to the video.
As well as a delicious sweet snack with your ex’s name on it, this Heart Broken gift set from Mr Cupcakes also comes with a gold-plated chocolate hammer with which to exact some sweet, cathartic revenge. Smashing!
