Wedding etiquette includes being mindful of how much it costs guests to attend

NEW YORK (AP) — Weddings are meant to be celebrations of love. They also may require invited guests to make a financial commitment that brings them stress.

Whether it’s paying for hotels and flights to attend a destination wedding or different outfits and gifts for multiple pre-wedding events, friends and extended family often feel pressure to spend a large amount of money before the couple gets married.

A sense of obligation and budget constraints can create resentment, hurt feelings and misunderstandings among friends and family. Future spouses who are trying to plan their dream wedding and are worried about their own expenses might want to factor in their guests' potential costs.

“Money is part of how we show up for one another,” Christine Hargrove, a licensed therapist who serves as assistant director of the Love and Money Center at the University of Georgia. “But don’t let finances get in the way of lifelong friendships or family relationships that are healthy and supportive."

Hargrove often sees budgeting issues becoming friendship issues for couples and members of their wedding party. While asking someone to be a groomsman or a bridesmaid usually is intended to show appreciation, sometimes left unacknowledged is the possible financial burden of being part of a bachelor or bachelorette party, as well as the big day itself.

“If somebody says ‘I care about you, I really want to come to your wedding but I absolutely cannot afford five days in the Caribbean on top of already going to a wedding,’ don’t take it personally,” Hargrove advises.

Conversations surrounding money can be very emotional, but everyone involved will benefit if they approach the topic with understanding, recommended Hargrove.

“Couples have to keep in mind that people do have different budgets, different backgrounds. People have different work responsibilities and capabilities of taking PTO,” said Sarah Schreiber, a former magazine weddings editor turned wedding consultant.

Here are some recommendations for ways engaged couples can reduce costs for their wedding guests and how guests can participate without going into debt.

It’s customary for the couple getting married to reserve a block of rooms at a discounted rate for their out-of-town guests. Schreiber recommends having at least a couple hotel options at different price ranges.

Covering the cost of transportation to and from the wedding venue, paying for childcare if kids are not invited to the celebration, and hosting a morning-after breakfast are other ways couples can make their wedding less expensive for guests, according to Cassie Horrell, a wedding planner based in Pittsburgh.

“There’s little things you can do here and there to be mindful of what costs you can eat for your guests,” Horrell said.

Putting a “no gifts” request on your invitations is another way to reduce costs for guests, said Rachel Lawrence, the head of advice and planning for the budgeting app Monarch Money.

Informing members of the wedding party and other close friends well in advance about what they can expect to pay for a bachelor party abroad or to rent a tuxedo or have their makeup done helps them decide if they can participate, Hargrove said.

If someone agrees to be part of the wedding party and later learns a bride and groom have expensive tastes, they may feel cornered into spending on a splash they can’t afford, she said.

If a friend or relative says they cannot attend a pre-wedding event or the wedding itself due to cost, respond in a kind and gracious way, Hargrove advises.

“Accept it gracefully and you’re gonna have a lot fewer issues relationally. It shows a lot of respect, it shows conscientiousness. People appreciate it. And there’s a lot fewer hurt feelings,” she said.

If the cost of attending a wedding is too high, consider dividing it with a group of friends, said Esther Lee, a deputy editor and wedding expert for The Knot. From sharing a hotel room or sleeping on someone's couch to going in on group trips and splitting the bill for airport transportation, other guests may also be on a budget.

Between the bachelorette party, the bridal shower and the weekend destination wedding, the costs can pile up. If you want to stay on budget, it’s OK to skip some events and choose to attend the ones you think will be the most meaningful for the person getting married.

“It's hard for people to say no, and we want to show up for everyone. But if it doesn’t work with your budget, then you don’t want to be going into debt just to try and make it" Chelsea Hodl, a financial planner for the financial services app Domain Money.

Communicating to your friend or family member ahead of time which events you will be able to attend is recommended.

If you’re working on a tight budget, wedding attire is a place to cut back. Renting a dress or a tux from online websites like Rent The Runway, Nuuly or Black Tux may be less expensive than buying clothes you'll hardly ever wear.

Guests also can consider wearing a dress they already own or borrowing one from a friend, The Knot's Lee said.

“Nobody is judging you for re-wearing something, so don’t be your harshest critic,” she said.

You don't need to feel ashamed if you cannot afford to attend the wedding of a loved one, Hargrove said. Being honest about the reason why you won't be there for their special day can help prevent negative feelings or misunderstandings.

“When you are willing to be direct with someone, it just clears the air and it’s amazing how powerful, clear, honest and direct self-disclosure can be,” Hargrove said.

If you will miss a friend's wedding, try showing your affection for them in another way, such as inviting them to dinner, or sending them flowers on the wedding day. An inexpensive gesture can demonstrate your love without sacrificing yourself and your finances.

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The Associated Press receives support from Charles Schwab Foundation for educational and explanatory reporting to improve financial literacy. The independent foundation is separate from Charles Schwab and Co. Inc. The AP is solely responsible for its journalism.

FILE - Guests sit inside during cocktail hour as empty chairs sit outside during a wedding Saturday, Aug. 23, 2025, in Newtown, Ohio. (AP Photo/Joshua A. Bickel, File)

FILE - Bridesmaids use fans for shade and to keep cool during bridal pictures before a wedding Saturday, Aug. 23, 2025, in Newtown, Ohio. (AP Photo/Joshua A. Bickel, File)

FILE - A Groomsman takes a break after finishing bridal party photos at a wedding on Saturday, Aug. 23, 2025, in Newtown, Ohio. (AP Photo/Joshua A. Bickel, File)

A groom, left, places a ring on the finger of the bride during their Valentines Day wedding ceremony Friday, Feb. 14, 2025, in Nashville, Tenn. (AP Photo/George Walker IV, File)

FILE - A bouquet of flowers rests on a chair ahead of a Valentine's Day group wedding ceremony at the Dade County Courthouse in Miami, Friday, Feb. 14, 2025. (AP Photo/Rebecca Blackwell, File)

U.S. President Donald Trump says Iran has proposed negotiations after his threat to strike the Islamic Republic as an ongoing crackdown on demonstrators has led to hundreds of deaths.

Trump said late Sunday that his administration was in talks to set up a meeting with Tehran, but cautioned that he may have to act first as reports mount of increasing deaths and the government continues to arrest protesters.

“The meeting is being set up, but we may have to act because of what’s happening before the meeting. But a meeting is being set up. Iran called, they want to negotiate,” Trump told reporters on Air Force One on Sunday night.

Iran did not acknowledge Trump’s comments immediately. It has previously warned the U.S. military and Israel would be “legitimate targets” if America uses force to protect demonstrators.

The U.S.-based Human Rights Activists News Agency, which has accurately reported on past unrest in Iran, gave the death toll. It relies on supporters in Iran cross checking information. It said at least 544 people have been killed so far, including 496 protesters and 48 people from the security forces. It said more than 10,600 people also have been detained over the two weeks of protests.

With the internet down in Iran and phone lines cut off, gauging the demonstrations from abroad has grown more difficult. Iran’s government has not offered overall casualty figures.

The Latest:

China says it opposes the use of force in international relations and expressed hope the Iranian government and people are “able to overcome the current difficulties and maintain national stability.”

Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesperson Mao Ning said Monday that Beijing “always opposes interference in other countries’ internal affairs, maintains that the sovereignty and security of all countries should be fully protected under international law, and opposes the use or threat of use of force in international relations.”

German Chancellor Friedrich Merz condemned “in the strongest terms the violence that the leadership in Iran is directing against its own people.”

He said it was a sign of weakness rather than strength, adding that “this violence must end.”

Merz said during a visit to India that the demonstrators deserve “the greatest respect” for the courage with which “they are resisting the disproportional, brutal violence of Iranian security forces.”

He said: “I call on the Iranian leadership to protect its population rather than threatening it.”

Iran’s Foreign Ministry spokesman on Monday suggested that a channel remained open with the United States.

Esmail Baghaei made the comment during a news conference in Tehran.

“It is open and whenever needed, through that channel, the necessary messages are exchanged,” he said.

However, Baghaei said such talks needed to be “based on the acceptance of mutual interests and concerns, not a negotiation that is one-sided, unilateral and based on dictation.”

The semiofficial Fars news agency in Iran, which is close to the paramilitary Revolutionary Guard, on Monday began calling out Iranian celebrities and leaders on social media who have expressed support for the protests over the past two weeks, especially before the internet was shut down.

The threat comes as writers and other cultural leaders were targeted even before protests. The news agency highlighted specific celebrities who posted in solidarity with the protesters and scolded them for not condemning vandalism and destruction to public property or the deaths of security forces killed during clashes. The news agency accused those celebrities and leaders of inciting riots by expressing their support.

Canada said it “stands with the brave people of Iran” in a statement on social media that strongly condemned the killing of protesters during widespread protests that have rocked the country over the past two weeks.

“The Iranian regime must halt its horrific repression and intimidation and respect the human rights of its citizens,” Canada’s government said on Monday.

Iran’s foreign minister claimed Monday that “the situation has come under total control” after a bloody crackdown on nationwide protests in the country.

Abbas Araghchi offered no evidence for his claim.

Araghchi spoke to foreign diplomats in Tehran. The Qatar-funded Al Jazeera satellite news network, which has been allowed to work despite the internet being cut off in the country, carried his remarks.

Iran’s foreign minister alleged Monday that nationwide protests in his nation “turned violent and bloody to give an excuse” for U.S. President Donald Trump to intervene.

Abbas Araghchi offered no evidence for his claim, which comes after over 500 have been reported killed by activists -- the vast majority coming from demonstrators.

Araghchi spoke to foreign diplomats in Tehran. The Qatar-funded Al Jazeera satellite news network, which has been allowed to work despite the internet being cut off in the country, carried his remarks.

Iran has summoned the British ambassador over protesters twice taking down the Iranian flag at their embassy in London.

Iranian state television also said Monday that it complained about “certain terrorist organization that, under the guise of media, spread lies and promote violence and terrorism.” The United Kingdom is home to offices of the BBC’s Persian service and Iran International, both which long have been targeted by Iran.

A huge crowd of demonstrators, some waving the flag of Iran, gathered Sunday afternoon along Veteran Avenue in LA’s Westwood neighborhood to protest against the Iranian government. Police eventually issued a dispersal order, and by early evening only about a hundred protesters were still in the area, ABC7 reported.

Los Angeles is home to the largest Iranian community outside of Iran.

Los Angeles police responded Sunday after somebody drove a U-Haul box truck down a street crowded with the the demonstrators, causing protesters to scramble out of the way and then run after the speeding vehicle to try to attack the driver. A police statement said one person was hit by the truck but nobody was seriously hurt.

The driver, a man who was not identified, was detained “pending further investigation,” police said in a statement Sunday evening.

Protesters burn the Iranian national flag during a rally in support of the nationwide mass demonstrations in Iran against the government in Paris, Sunday, Jan. 11, 2026. (AP Photo/Michel Euler)