Wedding etiquette includes being mindful of how much it costs guests to attend

NEW YORK (AP) — Weddings are meant to be celebrations of love. They also may require invited guests to make a financial commitment that brings them stress.

Whether it’s paying for hotels and flights to attend a destination wedding or different outfits and gifts for multiple pre-wedding events, friends and extended family often feel pressure to spend a large amount of money before the couple gets married.

A sense of obligation and budget constraints can create resentment, hurt feelings and misunderstandings among friends and family. Future spouses who are trying to plan their dream wedding and are worried about their own expenses might want to factor in their guests' potential costs.

“Money is part of how we show up for one another,” Christine Hargrove, a licensed therapist who serves as assistant director of the Love and Money Center at the University of Georgia. “But don’t let finances get in the way of lifelong friendships or family relationships that are healthy and supportive."

Hargrove often sees budgeting issues becoming friendship issues for couples and members of their wedding party. While asking someone to be a groomsman or a bridesmaid usually is intended to show appreciation, sometimes left unacknowledged is the possible financial burden of being part of a bachelor or bachelorette party, as well as the big day itself.

“If somebody says ‘I care about you, I really want to come to your wedding but I absolutely cannot afford five days in the Caribbean on top of already going to a wedding,’ don’t take it personally,” Hargrove advises.

Conversations surrounding money can be very emotional, but everyone involved will benefit if they approach the topic with understanding, recommended Hargrove.

“Couples have to keep in mind that people do have different budgets, different backgrounds. People have different work responsibilities and capabilities of taking PTO,” said Sarah Schreiber, a former magazine weddings editor turned wedding consultant.

Here are some recommendations for ways engaged couples can reduce costs for their wedding guests and how guests can participate without going into debt.

It’s customary for the couple getting married to reserve a block of rooms at a discounted rate for their out-of-town guests. Schreiber recommends having at least a couple hotel options at different price ranges.

Covering the cost of transportation to and from the wedding venue, paying for childcare if kids are not invited to the celebration, and hosting a morning-after breakfast are other ways couples can make their wedding less expensive for guests, according to Cassie Horrell, a wedding planner based in Pittsburgh.

“There’s little things you can do here and there to be mindful of what costs you can eat for your guests,” Horrell said.

Putting a “no gifts” request on your invitations is another way to reduce costs for guests, said Rachel Lawrence, the head of advice and planning for the budgeting app Monarch Money.

Informing members of the wedding party and other close friends well in advance about what they can expect to pay for a bachelor party abroad or to rent a tuxedo or have their makeup done helps them decide if they can participate, Hargrove said.

If someone agrees to be part of the wedding party and later learns a bride and groom have expensive tastes, they may feel cornered into spending on a splash they can’t afford, she said.

If a friend or relative says they cannot attend a pre-wedding event or the wedding itself due to cost, respond in a kind and gracious way, Hargrove advises.

“Accept it gracefully and you’re gonna have a lot fewer issues relationally. It shows a lot of respect, it shows conscientiousness. People appreciate it. And there’s a lot fewer hurt feelings,” she said.

If the cost of attending a wedding is too high, consider dividing it with a group of friends, said Esther Lee, a deputy editor and wedding expert for The Knot. From sharing a hotel room or sleeping on someone's couch to going in on group trips and splitting the bill for airport transportation, other guests may also be on a budget.

Between the bachelorette party, the bridal shower and the weekend destination wedding, the costs can pile up. If you want to stay on budget, it’s OK to skip some events and choose to attend the ones you think will be the most meaningful for the person getting married.

“It's hard for people to say no, and we want to show up for everyone. But if it doesn’t work with your budget, then you don’t want to be going into debt just to try and make it" Chelsea Hodl, a financial planner for the financial services app Domain Money.

Communicating to your friend or family member ahead of time which events you will be able to attend is recommended.

If you’re working on a tight budget, wedding attire is a place to cut back. Renting a dress or a tux from online websites like Rent The Runway, Nuuly or Black Tux may be less expensive than buying clothes you'll hardly ever wear.

Guests also can consider wearing a dress they already own or borrowing one from a friend, The Knot's Lee said.

“Nobody is judging you for re-wearing something, so don’t be your harshest critic,” she said.

You don't need to feel ashamed if you cannot afford to attend the wedding of a loved one, Hargrove said. Being honest about the reason why you won't be there for their special day can help prevent negative feelings or misunderstandings.

“When you are willing to be direct with someone, it just clears the air and it’s amazing how powerful, clear, honest and direct self-disclosure can be,” Hargrove said.

If you will miss a friend's wedding, try showing your affection for them in another way, such as inviting them to dinner, or sending them flowers on the wedding day. An inexpensive gesture can demonstrate your love without sacrificing yourself and your finances.

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The Associated Press receives support from Charles Schwab Foundation for educational and explanatory reporting to improve financial literacy. The independent foundation is separate from Charles Schwab and Co. Inc. The AP is solely responsible for its journalism.

FILE - Guests sit inside during cocktail hour as empty chairs sit outside during a wedding Saturday, Aug. 23, 2025, in Newtown, Ohio. (AP Photo/Joshua A. Bickel, File)

FILE - Bridesmaids use fans for shade and to keep cool during bridal pictures before a wedding Saturday, Aug. 23, 2025, in Newtown, Ohio. (AP Photo/Joshua A. Bickel, File)

FILE - A Groomsman takes a break after finishing bridal party photos at a wedding on Saturday, Aug. 23, 2025, in Newtown, Ohio. (AP Photo/Joshua A. Bickel, File)

A groom, left, places a ring on the finger of the bride during their Valentines Day wedding ceremony Friday, Feb. 14, 2025, in Nashville, Tenn. (AP Photo/George Walker IV, File)

FILE - A bouquet of flowers rests on a chair ahead of a Valentine's Day group wedding ceremony at the Dade County Courthouse in Miami, Friday, Feb. 14, 2025. (AP Photo/Rebecca Blackwell, File)

PRAIA, Cape Verde (AP) — Three patients with suspected hantavirus infections were evacuated from a cruise ship and being flown to the Netherlands on Wednesday, the U.N. health agency said, as the vessel at the center of a deadly outbreak remained off Cape Verde with nearly 150 people on board waiting to head to Spain’s Canary Islands.

Eight cases have been recorded, three confirmed by laboratory testing, according to the World Health Organization. Three people have died. Hantavirus usually spreads by inhaling contaminated rodent droppings and can spread person-to-person, though the WHO calls that rare.

Among the patients being evacuated is the ship's doctor who earlier was in “serious condition” but has improved, Spain’s health ministry said. The company has also told The Associated Press the doctor is in stable condition.

The Dutch foreign ministry said the three being evacuated were a 56-year-old British national, a 41-year-old Dutch national and a 65-year-old German national who would be "immediately transferred to specialized hospitals in Europe.”

Two of them present acute symptoms, ship operator Oceanwide Expeditions said.

Spanish officials said the passengers and crew members left on the ship are without symptoms. The journey to the Canary Islands will take three or four days, Spain’s health ministry said. The arrival of the boat “won´t represent any risk for the public,” Health Minister Mónica García said.

Meanwhile, authorities in Switzerland said a former passenger of the Dutch-flagged MV Hondius luxury cruise ship was being treated at a Zurich university hospital after testing positive for the Andes strain, which WHO says may spread between people.

South African authorities earlier said two other passengers who were transferred there tested positive for that strain. One died in South Africa.

Hantavirus infections are relatively uncommon. The WHO says eight countries in the Americas documented 229 cases and 59 deaths last year.

The ship left Argentina on April 1 on an Atlantic cruise and was scheduled to include stops in Antarctica and several remote South Atlantic Ocean islands. However, the itinerary may have changed because of the situation on board.

The ship is now in the Atlantic off West Africa's island nation of Cape Verde, and the World Health Organization said passengers are isolating in their cabins.

WHO chief Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus said the three patients with suspected hantavirus cases were on their way to the Netherlands.

“At this stage, the overall public health risk remains low,” Tedros said.

Harald Wychgel, a spokesperson for the Dutch National Institute for Public Health and the Environment, said two doctors were on their way from the Netherlands to Cape Verde to join the ship.

Spain’s health ministry said late Tuesday it would receive the ship in the Canary Islands after a request from WHO and the European Center for Disease Prevention and Control, despite some opposition from local authorities.

The regional president of Spain’s Canary Islands, Fernando Clavijo, said Wednesday he was worried the ship's arrival could put the local population at risk and demanded an urgent meeting with Prime Minister Pedro Sánchez.

South African health authorities said they identified the Andes strain of hantavirus in two passengers and Swiss authorities said they identified the same virus in their affected patient.

The WHO says the Andes virus, a specific species of hantavirus, is found in South America, primarily in Argentina and Chile. It can be spread between people, though this is rare and only through close contact such as by sharing a bed or food, experts say.

The South African Department of Health said its results came from tests performed on the passengers after they were removed from the ship and flown to South Africa.

One of them, a British man, is in intensive care. The other collapsed and died in South Africa and tests on that person were performed posthumously.

The Swiss health office initially said the patient hospitalized there had “returned from a trip to South America” with his wife at the end of April. Simon Ming, a spokesperson for the office, clarified in an email the patient got off the ship during its stop in St. Helena, an island in the South Atlantic.

It was not immediately clear when or how he returned to Switzerland, but the cruise company previously said the woman who died in South Africa was flown there from St. Helena. It's not clear if the man and the woman who died got off the ship at the same time.

The patient’s wife hasn’t shown symptoms but is self-isolating as a precaution, the statement said.

“There is currently no risk to the Swiss public," the public health office said.

The WHO has said the ship's itinerary included stops across the South Atlantic, including mainland Antarctica and the remote islands of South Georgia, Nightingale Island, Tristan da Cunha, St. Helena and Ascension.

The cruise company had announced some details of two stops: at St. Helena, where the body of the Dutch man suspected to be the first hantavirus case on board was taken off the ship. His wife left the ship at St. Helena and flew to South Africa, where she died.

The company said a British man was later evacuated from the ship at Ascension Island and taken to South Africa.

The company has not said if other people left the cruise ship at those or other locations.

The South African health ministry said officials had traced 42 out of 62 people, including health workers, they believe had contact with the two infected passengers who traveled there. Those 42 tested negative for hantavirus.

But 20 people still needed to be traced, including five people who may have been on flights to South Africa with some of the passengers as well as flight crew members. Some may have now traveled overseas, the ministry said.

Keaten reported from Geneva, Asadu from Abuja, Nigeria, and Imray from Cape Town, South Africa. Renata Brito and Joseph Wilson in Barcelona, Geir Moulson in Berlin, and Mike Corder in The Hague, Netherlands, and Michelle Gumede and Mogomotsi Magome in Johannesburg contributed to this report.

The MV Hondius cruise ship is anchored at a port in Praia, Cape Verde, Wednesday, May 6, 2026. (AP Photo/Misper Apawu)

Health workers in protective gear evacuate patients from the MV Hondius cruise ship into an ambulance at a port in Praia, Cape Verde, Wednesday, May 6, 2026. (AP Photo/Misper Apawu)

Health workers in protective gear arrive to evacuate patients from the MV Hondius cruise ship at a port in Praia, Cape Verde, Wednesday, May 6, 2026. (AP Photo/Misper Apawu)

Health workers in protective gear evacuate patients from the MV Hondius cruise ship at a port in Praia, Cape Verde, Wednesday, May 6, 2026. (AP Photo/Misper Apawu)

Health workers in protective gear evacuate patients from the MV Hondius cruise ship at a port in Praia, Cape Verde, Wednesday, May 6, 2026. (AP Photo/Misper Apawu)

Health workers in protective gear evacuate patients from the MV Hondius cruise ship at a port in Praia, Cape Verde, Wednesday, May 6, 2026. (AP Photo/Misper Apawu)

Health workers in protective gear evacuate patients from the MV Hondius cruise ship at a port in Praia, Cape Verde, Wednesday, May 6, 2026. (AP Photo/Misper Apawu)

A night view of the MV Hondius cruise ship anchored at a port in Praia, Cape Verde, Tuesday, May 5, 2026. (AP Photo/Misper Apawu)

An aerial view of the MV Hondius Dutch cruise ship anchored in the Atlantic off Cape Verde, Tuesday, May 5, 2026. (AP Photo/Arilson Almeida)

An aerial view of the MV Hondius Dutch cruise ship anchored in the Atlantic off Cape Verde, Tuesday, May 5, 2026. (AP Photo/Arilson Almeida)